Grammer isnt easy!

You think say you sabi speak English language abi? You smile with inner pride at your command of the language?
Ok, You try and beat this from one of Naija's most 'grammatical' men

Enjoy

Normal : people who leave in glass houses should not throw stones. 

Chris okotie : individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

Normal : All that glitters is not gold. 

Chris okotie : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

Normal : birds of the same feather flock together.
Chris okotie : members of an avian specie of identical plumage tend to congregate.

Normal : cleanliness is next to godliness. 

Chris okotie : freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguos to rectitude.

Normal : there is no use crying over split milk.
Chris okotie : it is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lacteal fluid.

Normal : u can't try to teach an old dog new tricks.
Chris okotie : its fruitless to attempt to indocrinate a superanuated canine wit innovative manoeuvres.

Normal : where there is fire there is smoke.
Chris okotie : where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous material there is conflagration.

Normal : All work and no play make jack a dull boy.
Chris okotie : exclusive dedication to necessitous chore without interludes of Hendonistic diversion renders jack a hebenditous fellow.

You go figure!!!



*****image source-google.com*****

Proud to be a Nigerian!

 Phillip Emegwali - The 'unsung' hero of the internet

Chinua Achebe - World recognized novelist and critic

Seal - 2 time grammy award winning vocalist and songwriter

Wole Soyinka - Africa's most distingued playwright

Agbani Derego - 1st black african to be crowned Miss World

.

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The list goes on and on

I believe that Nigerians are one the most intelligent people in the world. Thing is most times, we tend not to use our God given talents or we use them for the wrong things. 

Funny thing is, No matter what happens, no matter how we are percieved outside this country, I am so so proud to be a Nigerian. 

A short story to start your day.

There were three men living together in London. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.

However upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they decided to come up with a plan.

The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had... finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the brother leave.

Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!" - the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.

Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Guinness. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, But before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir...I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so...." Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!"..

Yeah, one of those times a Nigerian will use his brain the 'wrong' way (come to think of it, was that 'using the brain the wrong way'? I guess it depends on where you look at it from)

Y'all take care.

Ciao!

Its my birthday!!!! Yayyyyyyy!!!!

*in Christy Essien Igbokwe's voice* ooohhh yeah, i wish you a happy birthday, ooooo yeah, very many many happy returns........................

*singing in my 'churchyest' voice* Today is the day Amen, The day of the Lord Amen................

I am so excited! As excited as i was on the day of my 5th birthday ( i had a really big bash then) Cant figure out why i am this excited really but i guess being alive and healthy is quite enough to hit the roof!

I really thank God for life, for love, for friends, for family, for health, for God's plans for us - I thank Baba God for EVERYTHING!!!! He is awesome! Has been awesome to me and my family.

I want to share my day with my dear friends of blogsville:
To Che, HoneyDame, Luciano, Toinlicious, Priscy, MyneWhitman, Docia,EyesOfTruth, Oyindamola, the guys who follow Amaka's Notepad and all you guys too numerous, who have made me life on blogville exciting - I offer you all the pretty cake above (since una no dey here to chop the real one). Thank you all and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!



*****Image source-google.com*****

Hey there, Guys!

Wow! Its been AGES!(10 days actually but it feels like forever)
I have had you guys in mind all this time but like an ibo proverb says 'my mind got to you but my legs couldnt'. (or my fingers, in this case. lol)
Anyway, i know you know that whatever will take me away for this long has really got to be something. I have been so so so so so busy! Busier than i want to be but what can i do. *sad face*

How have you all being?

Just a quick info incase you missed the news on CNN and NTA network last night, Tomorrow is my birthday!!!!

And yes, the line is open for the reciept of gift items. ALL KINDS of gift items o!

Gotta go now but will definetely hook up with y'all later.

Missed you guys. Hope you missed me too.

Enjoy your week and may your days be blessed.

Ciao!




*****Image source - google.com*****

Howdy?

This week, though only for 3 working days, have felt like 7 working days in all! Thank God it is over.

I just saw this piece somewhere i thought to share (cos i've missed you guys)

The lessons are mine though.

Enjoy!

Free Fridge

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying "Free fridge, You want it you take it".

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal, looks to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it. 

Lesson - Before people value what you have to offer, you have to place a value on it! lol

Retail Experience

Rossi was the manager of an upscale men's wear store in a wealthy section of town and was interviewing Abe for the recently advertised salesman role.

Rossi looks at Abe's resume and notices that Abe has never worked in retail before.

Rossi says to Abe, "Abe, if you don't mind me saying. For someone with no retail experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."

"Well I suppose I am," Abe replies, "but you must understand that the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing." 

Lesson-There are still dumb people out there! lol

Letter to Company

After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.

Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items.

"Well, what do you think?" his wife asked smiling.

"Next time," he replied. "I'm writing to General Motors!" 

Lesson-Aim high but start small! lol

Translations of Help Wanted Ads

Energetic self-starter: You'll be working on commission.

Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.

Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.

Fast learner: You will get no training from us.

Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.

Good organizational skills: You'll be handling the filing.

Make an investment in you future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.

Management training position: You'll be a salesperson with a wide territory.

Much client contact: You handle the phone or make "cold calls" on clients.

Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.

Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.

Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.

Planning and coordination: You book the bosses travel arrangements.

Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.

Strong communication skills: You will write tons of documentation and letters.

 

Lovely weekend y'all

Ghost Workers

It is friday! (you know how i feel about this day of the week dont u?) To add icing to the already sweet cake, monday and tuesday has been declared public holidays as well (to mark the sallah celebrations) I love Nigerians when it comes to public holidays, honestly. We dont joke with them!

Anyway, i am glad about it cos i am hoping to get a much deserved rest (i honestly hope i do) cos the past few weeks have been HECTIC (note the capital letters) Work has been back breaking but i still thank God.

A headline in the papers today caught my attention and i almost burst into laughter. I am here breaking my back, racking my brain, milking my intelligence to make a living while someone is just chopping money anyhow using 'ghost workers'.

The name of a 1 month old baby has been discovered on the payroll of the Zamfara state Government. The state commisioner for justice Garba Gajam said on Thursday that the name of the infant was recently found on the payment voucher of a Local Government in the state during an exercise to fish out ghost employees from a bloated work force.

He said he discovered that a 1 month old baby was among the employees of the local government area who is paid a salary. What is even more astonishing is that it was indicated in the payroll that the infant holds an Ordinary National Diploma! (OND)

Na today??? E don tey, abeg. Ghost workers dey everywhere so i dey wonder why they dey sound surprised. Very soon, they will set up a committee to look into the issue of 'ghost workers' and the committee might even be made up of 'ghost members'. lol Anything that bring money in, abi?
Anyway, i am zapping out now. Wish i could have a 'ghost worker' cartel and list names of my unborn babies to collect all their salaries. Well, i cant so make i go rest this weary body now.

See you guys. Take proper care of ya selves!

Ciao!!!



*****Image source-google.com*****

Aso Ebi Palaver

When i was growing, i was made to believe that the tradition of people wearing uniform clothes (aso ebi) was for the yourbas. Then, in my place, the only time a family wore the same clothes was when someone died. The uniform showed that the wearers were members of the deceased's family. Gradually, families started wearing uniform clothes for weddings (both traditionals and white) as well. Then extended families joined in, then close friends, then not-so-close friends. Then other parties joined in, even birthday parties.

These days anyone can wear aso ebi to a party. it doesnt matter who it is. I knew a girl in school who made it a point of duty to buy, sew and wear any aso ebi and even attend the event no matter where it was. cos she thought being on the aso ebi train was the fastest way to get noticed by a guy (potential boyfriend). Cant say her marketing paid off cos she was still very very single (boyfriend and husband wise) when we graduated.

Thing is, i dont even like wearing same kind of clothes with people. I have never liked it. As a child, when my mum makes same clothes for my cousins and i and made us wear it on the same day,once we get to wherever we were going, i will get missing from the pack. This was in a bid not be seen wearing 'uniform' with them. I will try to be as far away from them as possible to try to hide the act that we were wearing the same cloth.

Learnt that these days,its a money making avenue for the bride. She buys the clothes, then sells them at a little above cost price and people buying do so as a form of contribution towards  the wedding. Well, sounds good sha. Cant remember if i have ever worn aso ebi for any event before. And i didnt even bother to saddle anyone with the obligation of buying mine so i didnt have asoebi for my wedding. My contribution for people's weddings usually comes in form of my attendance and my nicely wrapped gift (or envelope as the case may be)

Now, some people are just taking it too far. How can u be wedding and expect your friends to buy aso ebi that cost 50 thousand naira! Yes, 50K. Isnt that a little too extreme. I just got that brief and i am pretending not to have heard that. 50thousand???? So wait, na me wan do the wedding for u? Abi u wan collect the money for the food wey i go chop that day from my hand? For this austerity time? I will sit down in my house, thank u very much.

How has your week being going. Its mid week already and there are 2 lovely days of public holiday just right ahead. Talk about silver lining on a dark cloud. Cant wait

Ciao!