Tuesday 31 January 2012

What will you be when u grow up?

I couldnt resist putting up this picture. Cracked me up big time.
Remember when, in primary school, teachers used to ask you this question. "what will you like to be when u grow up?" There were different answers, the most popular of which used to be - Doctors, lawyers and engineers. There were, in addition, those that wanted to be astronauts, air hostesses, pilots, bankers, teachers (we used to laff at these set of people), nurses etc. I remember we used to have a calendar in our primary 3 (or 4) classroom that showed the different professions in their uniforms.
Some daring kids will say musician or footballer. These set of kids get serious 'talking to' by their parents who tell them that there isnt any future in that path! (That is story for another day. Do u see how much money the people in that industry make now?)

For me, it used to be a doctor. Then i changed my mind (cos i couldnt stand the sight of someone in pain) to a pilot (cos i loved the thot of flying from one place to the other) After one plane crash that happened sometime in the early 90's, i changed again to a petrochemical engineer(cos i loved the thought of working in an oil company and getting paid the FAT salaries we hear happens in that sector)

The point of this post is 20 something years down the line, what are we? In most cases, nowhere near where we thot we'd be.
1st, JAMB messes up ur ambitions. You change courses and re-write JAMB 2 or 3 times before you are finally given admission to study your 2nd choice. You go in with the intention that u will change course while in there. It may not happen and you are stuck with the course you dont really really want to study.
2nd, you graduate with good grades and get into the labour market. That is one market you dont know what you are going to end up buying even though you have the resources (your good grades and your positive attitude). You end up working in a small consulting firm or a bank and you say 'its just for a while. i will still study medicine or pharmacy or law'. Responsibilities come and all the thought of studying anything else flies through the window.

We now have advertising practitioners, travel agents, sales reps, call centre executives etc. Professions we never knew existed when we were little.

Its a good thing though, cos if all of us were lawyers, doctors, engineers and pilots, who will be the go-between? Who will keep all our money (bankers and their marketers), who will let us know what products to buy (advertising practitioners), who will help us make arrangements to travel (travel agents) etc.

At the end of the day, you look back and just laugh at the innocence and purity of mind that led you to say 25 years ago "I would love to be a doctor"


Friday 27 January 2012

Lagos na wa!

Lagos. Mega City. Lagos is working. Eko o ni baje!
Chei! people dey chop other people 'mugu' for this town oo. Abeg make una help me see this 'certificate of f**k up' from Agege local Government Council.

The lady that was served, actually just had her baby's birthday inside her compound - compound that is fenced and has a gate! She didnt put any canopies out on the street, she didnt block the road in any way, she didnt obstruct traffic. She and her husband only called their friends to come and wine and dine with them. Lo and Behold, they committed an offence in the eyes of the LGC. And they have to pay a fine!

This is just the height of lawlessness and failure in society. Merriment section of a local government council!? I never hear that one before o.

Merriment/Entertainment permit ko, shitting in my toilet permit ni. Mschewwwwwww
And they even put time line - 24hr notice. Make them go carry boko haram come. Silly people.

Every 3 years, new LGA chairmen are sworn in. what do they actually do while in office? No one knows. You just get to see one dead borehole repainted and boldly written on - REFURBISHED BY SO AND SO LOCAL GOVERNMENT AREA CHAIRMAN. And that is it! nothing from them again till the next election.
Wetin i dey do for office sef? Na to join politics follow my mates hammer, na im be the way forward ooo. Any connections?

Wednesday 25 January 2012

Stealing in marriage

Are there married ladies in the house? Have you ladies visited this website before www.wivesroundtable.net ? You should go there! There are lots of real life experiences shared by real life women who need real life suggestions and encouragements. There are sometimes very humorous stories there like this one. 

Its about a woman who stole from her husband (is that even rational) and was 'exposed' by the husband in public!!! I mean doesnt the phrase "two shall become one" in marriage apply even in finances? If the woman needs something, cant she ask her husband for money rather than take it without asking (which in the dictionary means stealing) Or could it be that she has, out of experience, known that the man wouldnt give her the money if she asks so she resorts to taking without asking?

If a man calls his wife a 'cheap thief' on the road, isnt that an indictment on his ability of being a good husband? What does he expect the area boys in his area to call his wife if he had run her down like that already?

The whole thing is confusing abeg. The woman and the man are ONE so the woman was (probably) technically not stealing (since dem be 'one' na). The man also, technically, should not feel like a victim since its part of him (as per the 'one' thing) that took his money

Abi wetin una think????

Friday 20 January 2012

Proverbs from Igbo land

I am an igbo girl ( or 'ibo' like most people spell and pronounce it)
I am a confident, to-the-core, well rounded, proud and confirmed igbo girl.
I speak and write the langauge fluently. I love igbo names, i love igbo food, i love the intelligence and industriousness of the igbo people, i love the rich culture, i love the festivals. I love the sound of the flute


and the sound of the 'ekwe' .

Mehn, i love being igbo.
Though these days, you rarely see an igbo person (or any other ethnic person for that matter) speak the language for 60secs straight without adding english here and there.
It pains me when i see people from different parts of the country who dont know how to speak their languages talk more of know their culture. They only know  the name of their state, struggle to pronounce the name of their local government councils and practically chew their tongues when they try to pronounce the name of their villages! They see not being able to speak their language as being 'tush' and being 'trendy'. 'Afterall, those that speak the language are village people' (thats how some even think)
Please note: You can be tush, trendy, 'jebby' and still be a proud part of your ethnicity by knowing your language.

For you to hit your chest and say you can actually speak your language, you have to know how to say and translate the proverbs that you have in your langauge.
In igbo land, they say "Proverbs is the oil with which the igbo man eats words". 

There are lots of proverbs in my language and they can be used to buttress points, explain things and sometimes even - make jokes.
Here are some of them - translated to english - and their meanings:
  • "Will you kill some one you will also have to bury?" - will you hurt someone close to you
  • "An old woman is never too old to dance to the steps she knows how to dance" - No matter how long ago you stopped doing something, as long as you know how to do it well, you can always do it anytime
  • "You can only go round a pepper tree, you cannot climb it" - No matter how much effort you make, there are certain things you just cannot/will not do
  • "Money is in thorns" - There is no easy way to make money
  • "The water in the snail shell (the snail shell was used to give water to dogs in the days of old) is still waiting for the dog" - No matter how much you avoid your problems, they are still there waiting for you (so the earlier you face and thrash  them the better)
  • "Conflict in the land is to the benefit of the chiefs" (cheifs have to keep the peace in the land at some fee) - Even when things are not going well, there are still people that benefit from the situation (Fuel subsidy removal as a case study)
  • "No matter the height of a kid goat, he still has to kneel down to suck the mother goat's breasts" - You are never too big to respect your elders
There are SO MANY more but let us just stop here for now. If you need to hear more, just let me know.

Are you proud of who you are, where you come from? Do you know any proverbs in your language?
Drop it here and let us know that you are a son/daughter of the soil! Say the proverb and tell us what it means.


Wednesday 18 January 2012

Way forward Naija!!!

Subsidy saga over (is it really?) we have to move on with our lives. We have to find a way to adjust to the current realities of things. Have you heard? Pure water is now 10 naira. For pure water to increase in price should tell you that EVERYTHING is now very expensive. I went to the market on saturday and i almost couldnt buy anything. Everything was so freaking expensive. Double the regular price. Nothing for 50 naira anymore, not even the silliest of stuff! If i, who isnt really one of the nigerians that live below a dollar a day, can be feeling the pinch so bad, how will those that only earn the minimum wage cope?????

So guys, this is the time to put that age long saying to use 'Cut your coat, according to  you cloth!' Not according to size ooo as ur size fit big pass ur cloth. You have to 'lepa-rize' ur expenditure make e no overshoot ur income.How do you do that??? Do away with the trivials. Prioritize!!! That "Money no go waste" post, read it again and again and again. Cram it if need be but use it!

I will add a new batch of  10 commandments to the 'Money no go waste' wisdom that will also help you. Here they are
  • Dont allow fashion dictate to you what to buy, how to spend your money lest debtors set camp at ur gate.
  • Say NO to those gucci bags as they scream out at you through the store show glasses
  • Eat only when hungry and stop when full
  • For the guys, having only one girlfriend will be the best bet for you considering the cost of maintaining multiple girls (babes, pray you are the 'one girlfriend')
  • BRT seats are quite comfortable, you know. Try them out once in a while instead of using taxis all the time.
  • Sharwama and ice-cream? Very tempting abi? Ok, i allow you. You can have them once a month.
  • BB subscription? Who u dey ping sef? Subsribe every other month. Afterall, all the gossip of last year, which motor you carry am buy?
  • Make use of that DVD player you spent some money to buy. Stop warming the seats at the cinemas when u can watch the same film at home
  • Try to dey siddon for your house! All this weekend waka waka, try minimize am, limit am to church/mosque,market and those places you can trek to.
  • Call only people that matter to you - mother/father, priest/pastor, 1 brother/sister (the one you call should call the others and tell them what you want them to know), your mother-in-law/father-in-law (make dem no chase u comot their son house). Try and live in the pre-mobile lines days!
If you also adhere to the above (laffable) very fundamental points, you can make it through the month without having people run when they see you thinking you want to borrow money again.

But if you make mega money. You dont need to adhere to these my advise above. Just share the money this way and all will be well


You take care of yourselves and each other. Be good

Tuesday 17 January 2012

Gists from the hols! (Part 1)

The strike, embarked upon by the NLC and the TUC, the strike which grounded any form of economic and social activity in the country for 6 whole days, the strike which we felt we had the same goals for - has been suspended!

Suspension - A postponment of a decision or judgement,temporary discontinuation.
That is my understanding of the word 'suspension'. So now, help me understand, did NLC just temporarily halt this to go back to it if the demands are not met? Or have they called it off completely but dont know how to tell Nigerians that they cant go ahead with their resolve to stick to their demand of total reversal to N65? Did they bring us out to the middle of the road and just leave us stranded? Did they use us to achieve something?

I dont know if N97 is worth all the wahala that has been on since 9th of January??? Thought we said we were not going to settle for less???

How do u feel about this whole episode????

Anyway, that isnt my gist for the day. I had promised to give you gists from my travelssssss (please note the multiple 's'). Yes na. i did a lot of travelling, saw so many sites. Should i name them? ok, ok i will. I went through Ogun, Ondo, Edo (not the kind of places you had in mind abi? lol) Europe, USA, Asia, Abeokuta, Cotonou, Anambra - e  no matter. Afterall, travel na travel, Journey na Journey! Shikena!

My journey to the east was quite eventful. I will start from there but 1st make una help  me thank Baba God for the journey mercies to and fro. Chei, im too do well for me. I heard so many tales of road mishaps that i almost didnt want to travel. But then i thought 'Dont you trust God?' Well, i do, so i enter road.

From Lagos to Ore was uneventful. Well, apart from the 300 and above police checkpoints that one had to pass through between Lagos and Ore and the accompanying traffic these check points caused, nothing much happened. We stopped at Ore to have lunch and rest a while before continuing. Just before entering Edo state (that ofosu area), a trailer carrying a container that was driving in front of us suddenly stopped. We almost ran into the damn thing sef. Before we could say 'Jack' the driver of the truck don climb down. Guess what - he was completely naked!!!! Yes, you hear me well, d guy no wear cloth, no wear boxers no wear nothing! Birthday suit live and direct! The sudden stop don already cause traffic. The guy came down from the truck, his conductor came down the other side wearing only a very 'dorty' looking boxers (the dirtness of the boxers needed to be written in pidgin to be comprehended). At this point, i was petrified out of my skin. I asked my hubby to try and maneuver his way out of that spot as i thought they were armed robbers or something. Thing is, we couldnt move from our position cos there was already a car behind us and we were so close to the truck. We were stuck.

The truck driver and his conductor totally ignored us and all other confused and scared looking motorists and headed straight for an SUV which was just behind the car beside us. Check out blows!!! Before the truck driver got to the SUV driver, the SUV driver had already landed him one blow on his face. A boy of not more than 17yrs came down from the SUV with a stick with which he hit the truck driver on the head from behind, jumped the road median and ran in the opposite direction with one unknown guy in hot pursuit. Blood gushed from the truck drver's head, serious blood ooo. The truck driver yelled, 'get me the knife!' The conductor ran back to the truck and came back with a cutlass. 2 women from the SUV were running helter skelter yelling and trying to stop the fight while still raining abuses on the truck guys. One of the women had a black eye.

Trust Naija people, we no wait to find out the rest, once cutlass show, people make way for forest! See as cars just dey zoom dey pass the tiny space wey the truck remain for road. I was so so so scared. We left the area and d drama and ran. Abeg, i never do New Year, na im person wan make i see nonsense.
I couldnt figure out what i just saw. Maybe the truck people and the SUV people had had a disagreement somewhere behind, maybe where they stopped to eat. A disagreement that probably degenerated to a fight (seeing the dirty body of the guys and the black eye of one of the women) Maybe this fight was seperated much to the displeasure of the truck occupants who had to continue the fight on the road where he hoped he wouldnt be stopped. Well, he ended up with a broken head before the New Year.

And why would anyone fight naked?????

Anyway, let me leave the gist here for now. Stay tuned for more of what happened during the hols.

Happy Subsidis and Subsidat ooo. lol. Stay safe guys.


Saturday 7 January 2012

Happy New Year!!!!!!

I popped this champagne for you guys. Make sure you taste your share.  lol

Hello my friends!
Welcome to this brand new year (i know it is coming a tad late but better late than never, isnt it??)
Ol boy eh, i need a mainframe computer to calculate how old i will be this year *rumpuled face*.
When i was little, i never thought the world would go past the year 2000, you know, with all the stuff we heard about that 'great' year - jubilee year, the year tate heralds another millennium etc. Funny that we are 12 years past that year - ALL THANKS TO GOD.
2011, hmmm, a lot happened in that year - i changed jobs, i lost my dad, i finished my post graduate degree etc. i look back and i am really thankful. Though there are lots of other things i thought would have pulled through for me before the year 2011 ended that didnt eventually, i am still very thankful. Being alive and healthy is just enough!
2012! We have started this year with lots of expectations, with lots of dreams that we wish and pray will be actualized, with lots of bad habits that we wish we will drop, with lots of doors we wish will be opened on to us. All i want to say is - Do the best you can and leave the rest. Cos if you think real hard about it, no kind of hard work or hard thinking by anyone can make the day break faster than it should or make the sun set faster! Everything has been ordered, allow that order flow! If you think things arent falling into places as fast as you love them to, just ask yourself if you have done all you ought to do. If the answer is YES, then know that it is time for you to hands-off and allow the GREAT I AM order things his way.

Dont be too hard on yourself if you have already slipped up on your new year's resolution. it isnt meant to be an overnight thing. keep trying ok?

BTW, i went to the villa for Christmas. Ol boy eh, lots of things happened over there so stay tuned for gists from there.

How did you spend your holidays??? You can give us a sneak peek as you leave your comments.

Missed you guys like crazy!!

You all take good care.